Change of plans...

...I was going to stay and Dharmaj and teach at a school there...all the preparations had been made and the school had even sent lesson plans and books over. But half an hour later, I started to really think about it, and I have a confession to make. In my overwhelming desire to teach, i overlooked certain aspects of the Dharmaj School which would conflict with many of my general ideologies and aims in coming here. I so desperately wanted to teach a class that I overlooked many things and in that haste made the wrong decision. When I originally decided to come here, I wanted to stay in a small village and live with the people, and teach in an underfunded, resource-limited school. In my own ignorance and unpreparedness, I assumed my Gujarati would be sufficient. In what state of mind I could have made such a calous decision, I have no clue, for I can neither write nor read Gujarati...even my spoken Gujarati leaves much to be desired. Once I woke up and realized that i couldn't possibly teach in a Gujarati school, English medium ones became the only viable option. But these are inevitably privately funded and thus rich in both wealth and resources. Thus, though working in Dharmaj would satisfy one of my dreams (living in a small village), it would be at the expense of my own morals. For one, teaching English in a non-English speaking area (such as Gujarat) is a loose form of colonization. For two, I've come all this way to donate my time and services, and this donation made to a private school which can even afford to pay me, lacks sense. Thus though it has longtime been my dream to teach in India, I have decided to forgo the teaching opportunites here and instead spend time at Goraj's Muni Seva Ashram. It has been built with love and true concern for the community offerring free medical aid, a nursery, orphanage, facilities to empower mentally handicapped women, etc. I feel my time and energy will be better served here. I also feel a little naiive/stupid for thinking I could teach here.
The silly thing is how i realized how foolish I was being. After speaking to family in Dharmaj to tell them I was going to work there, I was going through books to read. I saw Arundhati Roy's (my favourite author) books in the pile and imagined (for the millionth time) what a conversation with her would be like if I found her in Delhi or Kerala (yes I know I'm strange, but I do imagine conversations with people!). And I imagined myself telling her that I was volunteering at a private, English-medium school. She wasn't impressed. It's bizarre how imagining scenarios like that can be so enlightening and reveal something so hidden.
I have another confession to make. Since coming here, I've just been feeling so sorry for myself. I really miss South Africa -- I miss the kids, the patients, the other volunteers & people I left behind...But after yesterday, I began to think about my time here. About where my focus and energy should be and about how trite my concerns over my own life are in the grand scheme of things. That I came here to serve this community, and I shouldn't let anything take away from that. I started listening to the CD of the Agape kids singing, and thinking about the struggles that exist there. And I realized for the first time perhaps, that the same struggles exist here, though in a different time or space or form. It is up to me to find them. There are mysteries for me to unfold here too.

Reading pleasures -- I finished the "Pedagogy of the oppressed". All in all it was a slow read for me and a bit tiresome. It was informative, but I couldn't always follow his style of writing.
I decided to reread "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy and I remembered all over again why I fell in love with it the first time. There are moments when I am reading her work where I just want to live and breathe in the sentences and metaphors she creates.

Take care all,
Miss you,
Resh.

Feelin' hot hot hot...

because it's like a sauna over here! I honestly feel like I haven't slept in days...but that may also be because I am home/South Africa sick.
It's been a busy few days though. I am done visiting all the places and most likely will be working at a school in Dharmaj. They thought they were going to have to pay me and asked what I wanted as a salary. So that was kinda cool. I most likely will be teaching Standard 8 English for ten days while there is no teacher, and after that will be teaching math hopefully. It's strange because all the public schools here are in Gujarati so I'm useless, and so I can only teach at a private school. But it's teaching nonetheless, and though the school is fairly nice, it is extremely understaffed (50+ kids to a teacher!).
I am in a bit of a rush and besides which, don't have too much else to report. I have only received text messages from Shannon though I know some other people have been trying. I have no idea why it isn't working and the Hutch people aren't too helpful! But I will keep calling the help line and trying to figure it out...
Also some people have been asking -- the time difference here is 10 hours (i think) ahead of Toronto, 5 ahead of london, and my guess is about 3-4 ahead of South Africa...I have no idea for the Holland folk!

Quick shoutout to Dhanraj Uncle who was the first to call my cool new cell phone :) (and mom and dad were there too!)

Horn ok please?!

Hi from India!!!!!!
"Horn ok please" is as confusing to you as it is to me. All the big trucks here have that written on the back. It could be saying "Ok Horn Please" too by the way it's written. It's bizarro though! I'm not sure if it's trying to say that you should honk your horn if the truck is going to slow or what? Is it being sarcastic? That would be funny. Not that it really matters since people seem to honk their horns more than they brake here. There's no lanes or traffic stops or anything and people just go wherever they want. And there's cows and goats and rickshaws and cars and scooters and bikes and people walking all at the same time!
I've also realized recently that my posts from India may not be too interesting since it's my first time here and most of you have probably been here once. But ah well, what can you do?
I was in Delhi for one night where I stayed with Rohit Uncle and Kalpana Auntie's sister who was so sweet. Her daughter took me around Delhi during the day which was pretty cool...saw India Gate and the Parliament buildings and went to some cool markets.
Then I stayed at Hansabafoi's house in Baroda for a few days...did some shopping and went to see the Muni Seva Ashram which may be a place I might work. It was awesome. There's a really good hospital, a school, nursery, a care centre for mentally retarded women. It's been built so well and with such care and love. I would love to work there, but my goal has always been to stay in a small village. I will see though, I may divide my time!
Baroda was so funny. Everyone was looking at me strangely because I wasn't in Indian clothes. And they looked at me even more strangely when I started to speak. The drivers are so crazy here. It's like a near-death experience everytime I go anywhere. I've been going in rickshaws with the bas which is hilarious. Bought some Indian clothes so I won't stick out so much!
Yesterday was Ba's Birthday so we were going to go for pani puri, but then it was raining. So I decided to be all cool and go by myself in the rickshaw and got so lost. But I eventually made it there and back in one piece and with pani puris...
Now I am in Karamsad with Ba and we are going to see the schools in Dharmaj and Sojitra tomorrow...should be fun!!!
I'm dying in the heat -- it's sooooooooo hot!!!! I can't get over it. And mosquitoes are eating me alive.
When I first got here, I noticed something strange about Gujarati -- I'd never learned the words for "please" or "thank you" and I thought they didn't exist. But Ba tells me they do, but people don't use them. So then I thought that was a bit *rude* until Gopal bhai explained to me that here, doing anything for anyone is someone's duty...so there is no need to say please or thank you.
One thing I don't think I can get used to is everyone having a cook/maid. Even in SA, I would clean my room and do dishes before Isabel came because I felt awkward having her clean up after me. Here it is the same...I feel so strange when people bring me food and clean up after me and do my dishes.
Anyways -- sorry for the shortness, but I don't have too much time! I am enjoying it here, but I really miss South Africa....I really miss the kids, and it's hard to believe that I've actually left!

Also I have a cell phone, so make sure you call because incoming calls are free! Wohoo! The number is 987 917 9637 but I don't know what you dial before that. You can also text message me which is fun!!!!

Quick shoutouts:

Karishma -- bday on Sept 7th that I just realized!!!
Ananth -- bday on Sept 23rd!!!
Upcoming bdays that I may miss because I don't know when I will have internet -- Natu Uncle, Payal, and Aruna Auntie!!!! Happy Birthday to all!!!!
Surender and Robin -- who got married while I was home!!! congrats!
Abbas -- who is now a proud uncle!!! Although it's hard to imagine anyone calling him an uncle!
Jenn -- for doing the wonderful links at the right! She is a star!!

C'est tout -- missing everyone so call soon!
Love
Resh

Salani Kahle.

...means "Goodbye" to a group of people.
Since this is probably my last post, I figured it was appropriate, even though I think I've used it before.
Yesterday we laid bricks ALL day which was so tiring, and today we were digging again. The new orphanage will really be built with all of our blood, sweat, tears, joy, and most of all, love.
I don't really have much to say except that leaving here is really difficult, and I know I've said that a million times over already.
I have spent the last week trying to figure out where the time all went. Throughout my trip I had so many ideas of things we could do with kids, patients, other projects etc. I wanted to take the older kids to Wimpy's one day after TaiBo. I wanted to take Mabongi, Zanele, and Namusa outside to hang out in the sun for an afternoon. I wanted to get new matresses for the kids at Agape because the ones they have are sometimes soaked through with urine. I wanted to take Wandele to the doctor to check his hearing and his progress because he seems so slow at times. I wanted to take Angel and Sindisiwe to a movie because they've never gone before. I wanted to really make changes in the way the nurses treat patients at the Dream Centre. I wanted to help Sakhile and Arron take a holiday or get a raise. I wanted to see all the walls go up at the Molweni project. I wanted to see the kids that would be using all the sheets I've been sewing for Lindewe. I wanted to take the Agape kids to the beach just one last time. I wanted to see Sinegugu see her children again. I wanted to see Zanele's children just one more time. I wanted to see more smiles, more children...more love. I wanted to help tear down Agape and see the new building go up. I wanted to see the kids go to England. I wanted to take them to the Dream Centre and have them sing for the patients...
The list could go on forever I suppose. The real point is that no matter how long I was here for, there would always be more to be done. It has been such a beautiful experience, and I'm not quite sure how I'll be able to live in the Western World again.
I thank you all for listening to my random ramblings week after week. I hope that it has helped you realize how incredibly lucky and blessed we all are. I know it has helped me.
For everyone that has written, called, even emailed over the weeks, your support has been incredible, and I may not have made it all the way through without you.
I will be in Toronto from September 16-21 for Surender's wedding. I leave for India on the 21st and won't be back until December 21st.

Sala kahle South Africa. Ngiyabonga kakhula.

Jabulani's Story

Jabulani means "Happy". We met him while pouring the concrete, but he had also helped previously with tearing down the old Molweni house. He cut his arm pretty badly but wouldn't let Alicia (the doctor) treat him (even with gloves) because of his blood. Jabulani told us how he was repeatedly raped when he was younger. And eventually he found himself stealing from people, specifically from one old man, without reason sometimes. He told us how eventually he found himself in prison, where he was both physically and sexually abused. At some point in prison, he came to a realization, and decided to make positive changes in his life. He was eventually released, and is still unemployed, but has started making some woodworking and leather stuff to sustain himself. He says that now, when he is treated unfairly, or is robbed or anything, he is not angry. He knows it is because he is doing penance for his previous sins (as he says it). He is always helping us, regardless of how hurt or in pain he may be.
The amazing thing about Jabulani's story for me, was that he had brought about change in his life in both positive and negative ways. At first, the change was negative when he began stealing from others. But the idea that one always has the power to make positive changes from the self-realization process is entirely comforting.

Auphinde! Angiqondi kahle, usho ukothini!

...means "Please repeat yourself as I don't understand so well."

Shoutouts first because I forgot a BIG one!

Happy Anniversary to Mom and Dad! I can't believe I forgot!!!

Happy Birthday to Arlene in NYC -- it's today I think!
Thanks to Josi and Seema B who have donated generously!
Ms. Dixon called a few days ago as well which was really nice! Her donations were awesome!
Seema B called as well!

It has been a really busy and hectic week. We've been moving and loading and removing tons and tons of bricks (I swear my arms are going to be so muscly by the time I'm back). On Wednesday we were on our way to the office and Claire called saying that the concrete guys need three people at the new site to spread the concrete all over the foundation. So we went there and it was so crazy! We really had no idea what we were doing but it was still pretty fun. I think we did okay. This guy named Jabulani came to help us with a wheelbarrow. We would've been so screwed without his help!
So yesterday when we were carrying bricks, all these little kids were helping. It was so scary because they bricks probably weighed as much as they did! One of them actually dropped a brick on his foot, and he wasn't wearing any shoes. He had a big cut on his foot but we bandaged him up and he didn't seem that bothered. It was bizarre because he didn't cry or anything even though it must have really hurt!
We also took the older kids to TaiBo again which was really fun. More fun than that is trying to actually get there. They take like an hour to get all their stuff together and walk over. They're really funny, and I'm so glad that I am finally getting a lot closer to the older boys, especially. They often seemed closed off, but they're really funny.
S'bonelo has a broken arm and he has been doing all the TaiBo with only one hand (so strong!). He needs to get the cast off though, and the other day he stayed home from school because he thought I was going to take him. But it turns out that the hospital that has his x-rays is really far away so we won't be able to go till next week. Anyways, later on that afternoon he kept asking for me, so when I arrived he was really upset. At first I explained everything to him again and thought he was angry with me. But then he explained that he didn't have a notebook and his teacher was going to be cross with him if he went to school without one. So I got a bunch for him and he was soooooooo excited! It was really sweet. He wasn't at all bothered about not getting his cast taken off, but he was so upset about a notebook!
We were supposed to have this sports festival thing today but the weather is much too cold so we're postponing it till next week.
Yesterday Arron took me to his house. It is literally this shack with no running water. There's a steep edge very close to it and when it rains, he says there is a hole that is rapidly approaching his home. He doesn't know how long it is going to last.
I've been frantically trying to finish all the sewing before I go.
It's really hard for me to think that there is only one week left here. It's so strange because this experience has consistently demanded that you make permanent and long-lasting connections with all of the children and patients and community members, but then these connections are broken as you leave. It's like you give so much of yourself for so long, and then find yourself having to take it back. I really wish that I was only coming home for a few days and then coming back. I am not ready to leave just yet.

Reading Pleasures: I've moved on to a book called "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire. It's really good and quite applicable to some of the situations I've been finding myself in.