Ngijabula!

...means "I am happy!"
An email sent last week got me thinking about my level of happiness out here. Although I mostly write about depressing things here, the truth is that there are times here that I am unexplainably and unbelievably happy. Just absolutely elated. And it is the simple things that really please me.
Like the way Nokubonga giggles uncontrollably when you play "Peek-a-boo" with her. The way Wandele runs to the bathtub in the morning all smelly and dirty, because he just can't wait to get in. The way Longile says "Rrrrrrrrrrrrresh." The way Nalede always runs up to me to play those patticake games. The way Sphewe laughs and smiles and does all sorts of silly crazy things. Even the way Lout tickles me. And the way Slindile is so shy. How much the older kids love Tai Bo and how cute they are when we're at the gym together! The way Mthobi runs around in boots that are way to big for him. The way Xoliswa always takes my watch when I get there, but runs to the car chasing me when I have forgotten it. The way Snethemba always steals my sweater. Even the way Sne throws tantrums and cries and looks so cute at the same time. How Peaceful isn't peaceful at all! The way Mbali plays that silly ball hitting game. Even the way Simphewe can be so in need of love and affection despite what she may say. How happy Angel and Sindisiwe (Zanele's sisters) are when I see them or bring them anything. How Mabongi smiles when you come into her room. How Nsiki cried when she was discharged -- happy she was leaving, but sad to be leaving me behind. How Lindiwe is always so full of life even if she is so depressed on the inside.
I love waking up in the morning here. I sleep better, I feel better, and I live better here...as excited as I am to come home, I will be so sad to leave.

Happy Raksha Bhandhan to all my brothers.

A huge shoutout to Pratik and Sofi who mailed me a beautiful birthday card!!!

No one has phoned in a while, so that's it!

Hawu!

...means "Goodness!" or "Oh my!"
I don't have too much time here today and I had a pretty big update last time, so I just thought I'd say a quick hello.
I met with Vincent at the Dream Centre on Tuesday afternoon to see how things are going with Zanele's children. It's really going to take a while, but I am still hopeful that by the time I leave, they will be at a better place. Also, we're trying to organize a schedule to get the patients more active, and to have them taken outside by volunteers once in a while. The Dream Centre has been a little bit strange for me to visit since Zanele's death. When we first met Zanele (Rebecca and I), she was quite ill, already in isolation and staying in bed a lot. I guess we always knew the inevitable was approaching. So since then, I have been finding myself hanging around more of the healthier patients (Mabongi, Nsiki, and a few others). I know that's really kind of horrible, because more often than not, it is the sicker patients that really need someone to talk to. But I don't think I can handle dealing with someone else I am close with, dying. It is somewhat selfish of me, and I realize and fully accept that, but I am trying to do productive things with the healthier patients (like making friendship bracelets and other crafts).
Yesterday we took all the little kids to uShaka Sea World. It was soooo much fun!!!! They had such a good time, even Wandile (the little one). When Mike was around, he had taken to calling Wandile "Rhino" because he is always running into things. I quite like the nickname. Anyways, he was having so much fun! He was glued to the walls of the aquariums and loved the penguins too! He's also the cutest little thing when he is in the bathtub. I think he loves it so much because he never gets bathed, but now the volunteers bath him in the morning as soon as we get there. It's kinda gross because he smells so bad, but we've gotten kind of used to it!
And, after yesterday's conversation on religion, I found an interesting excerpt in "I write what I like" that I thought I'd share:

"...do organized churches necessarily have a divine origin or should one view them as mancreated institutions probably in the same category as soccer clubs?
The existence of a multiplicity of denominations convinces me of the uselessness of organized worship in investigating man's duty to God. Churches have tended to complicate relition and theology and make it a matter to be understood only by specialists. Churches have tended to drive away the common man by immersing themselves in bureacracy and institutionalisation...In my view the truth lies in my ability to incorporate my vertical relationship with God into the horizontal relationships with my fellow men..
I can reject all Churches and still be Godly."

It goes on, but I haven't the time to type it ALL out here.

Quick shoutouts:
ARDEN!!!! --- who turns the big ONE YEARS OLD on Saturday!!!!! I think she's even WALKING now!!!!
Hafize -- who's bday it is on Saturday as well!
Abbas -- because he keeps complaining that he never gets shoutouts, when in actuality, he never really does anything to get a shoutout! Jeez! But he has been quite funny lately so there. Shoutout to Rabba.
:)

South Africa -- Part Three should be up soon. Go to www.ofoto.com, login name reshmapatel@hotmail.com and password "reshma".

Lots of love to all,
Resh.

Ungumhlobo muni?

...means "What nationality are you?"
I had an interesting few days. On Sunday we had a party at the second Molweni project to welcome the community and stuff. It was pretty fun, apart from the random missionaries that showed up. Winnie (the woman who owns the land where the new orphanage will be built) invited them. They were asking volunteers if they went to church and stuff like that so I mainly steered clear of them, thinking that I might explode if I didn't. Then they did this feeble hip-hop dance and started singing. It was quite awful! I really dislike people who come to a country and spend too long trying to show them all about their home country, when really they should be learning about the country they came to. Then the leader of them said a speech about what God thinks of the orphans. At that point I just moved to the back and started playing with the kids because I didn't want to hear the filth coming from her. I mean honestly, I've really questioned my belief in God since I've been here. What does God think of the orphans? Not much, otherwise He might be doing more to help them and the povery-stricken state of this and other third world countries. Honestly though, I don't mean to offend or anything, but it's really difficult to believe in any sort of God after a lot of the horrors I've seen out here. I'm not saying that I've lost the belief completely, just that it is getting harder and harder to nourish it.
I remember one time while I visited Zanele a woman came into her room and asked her if she still stood strong in her belief of Jesus Christ, her Saviour. I thought to myself, "See the sores all over her body, ask her what physical state she is in, learn about her life, her family, all of her sorrows, learn about her lifestyle, the poverty she was raised in -- ask her how long it's been since she has seen her children, and if she'll ever see them again, ask her what their caregiver is doing to them...and after all that, ask yourself if she's got any reason to believe in God." I disliked that this woman could enter Zanele's room and disregard the real aspects of her life as though it were unimportant.
Anyways, back to the party -- to top it all off, they had only been invited the day before...who do they really think they are?
Other than that, the party was pretty fun. It was nice to meet the high members of the community (the chief and headman came, which is very rare) and the kids were awesome. I gave out Ms. Dixon's donations which they loved. It was really hard though because after there's no more toys to give out, the kids get really sad. But they were a lot of fun to play with for the day.
On the way home, I went to Lindewe's house at the old Molweni project which was awesome -- picked up the sewing machines and fabric so I can start sewing at home!
Last Friday, I think I forgot to mention that we got to visit a new baby house that Lean on Me is helping with. It's a group of cluster homes, separated by age, that can house up to 140 kids. They were really nice houses. Each child shares a room with only one other child (as opposed to like 10 at Agape), they have a dining table, enough showers and bathrooms (Agape has one bathroom for the girls, one for the boys and no kitchen table really). One of the houses is going to become a library with a computer room. These were really nice homes, that were like the ones we are accustomed to living in. The whole time I was there I just kept wishing that there was something similar to give the Agape kids, because the state of their home is really quite deplorable. The kids at these homes are really going to have a chance. Sometimes I feel like the Agape kids aren't going to have a shot at a post-secondary education; the orphanage provides them shelter and food, but doesn't concentrate too much on education. But the kids in these homes are really going to have a chance.
Yesterday we dug a vegetable garden at the new Molweni -- I helped dig for a bit, and then started going to the river with the kids to get water. I carried buckets of water on my head like they do, because I soon discovered it was much easier!!! The kids really helped a lot though -- they were so sweet and really funny.

Quick shoutout to Benu Masi who called Sunday but I was out!

Listening Pleasures: Mostly the children singing, but I am really in love with Tracy Chapman these days. I think the era of Ani is over as well because I haven't really listened to her since I came here.

Reading Pleasures: I'm almost finished "I write what I like" -- a collection of essays by Steve Biko.

Take care all, lots of love,
Resh.

Ngifuna amanzi!

...means "I want water!" I can say other things like tomatoes, onions, even avocadoes. After my frenzied post yesterday I thought I’d come back and write a proper one. I know I already talked about Zanele’s funeral but I thought I would add a bit. In retrospect, I really wish I had known Angel was going to force me to say something…I perhaps would have had something more meaningful to give the people in the community. It was really kind of scary though. The whole way up there (I rented a car and Arron and Sakhile drove for us) I was so worried about how the community there would react. I asked Arron multiple times but he always said that it would be fine. I thought they may have been a little resentful, and after speaking, I thought some of them at least, would be like, “Ok, so this girl has known Zanele for a month, and she thinks she has the right to attend her funeral?” But they were all just so amazing. The children of the community were awesome…reminded me a lot of the kids at Agape. And Angel took us to meet all of the elders of the community who seemed not only surprised that we came, but so genuinely happy. When we left, all the kids chased our car as far as they could…

On the way home, Sakhile and Arron let me drive for a bit! First of all, they drive on the other side of the road here, and second of all, the car was standard. I stalled so many times and drove on the wrong side too. Sakhile just started steering and changing gears for me at one point. Arron and I talked for a while and he maintained that most white South Africans still dislike black people. It’s such a strange time to be here because the country is still in the relatively early stages of integration.

On Sunday, we went to a recording studio with the kids – so fun!!! They did two tracks with one of the judges from South African Popstars, this guy Zwai, who also has his own tv show and is apparently pretty famous. People were stopping them us on the street and stuff. Anyways, the kids absolutely loved it. They’ve been to the recording studio a few times already, working on a CD that will be produced to make money for the orphanage. I will be bringing some back with me, and they’re only like $25. If you would like one, please email me and I will be sure to get you a copy. I would really really recommend it for two reasons. One, because the children really do need the money. I haven’t really gone into detail about the living situation at the orphanage, but they are trying to build a new one since the current one is literally falling apart. Two, because they really are so good!!! I have always been so overwhelmed by the strength and quality of the voices that come from even the children as young as 7! Even at the funeral, I commented on how intensely calming the singing was. I feel as though God gave the black people here such amazing voices to sing as though to somehow compensate for the lack of voice they still continue to experience in politics, business, and education. It really has made me wish, for the first time, that the Indian culture had the same energy in satsangs, for example, as black people have in gospel and traditional Zulu songs.

Vincent, one of the social workers at the Dream Centre, asked me last week to get involved in some research and statistical analysis for the centre. I was actually really excited about it, but it turns out that it isn’t going to happen after all. I will, however, be helping Bronwyn, the physiotherapist who works with patients, which shall be pretty interesting.

This week has been really really hectic. I don’t think I mentioned this on the blog before, but there used to be a project Molweni (we laid bricks and sewed there). The lady who is in charge of the running of the project is Lindiwe, but this guy Tim is in charge of the funding and stuff and so his name is on all the donations. Unfortunately, Tim turned out to be this really racist ass, and so Lean on Me has subsequently pulled out of the project. But Lindiwe is the sweetest lady and she is really upset about the volunteers leaving, and I’ve been upset because it was my favourite project to work at. I have finally gotten a hold of Lindiwe (she doesn’t have a phone so I keep calling her neighbours) and hopefully can pick up all the fabric and sewing machines so that we can finish all the sheets for the orphanage at least.

We also started working at another project in Molweni, and got to dig the foundation. It was such hard work. It was so hot out and we had to dig a one metre deep border around where the building was going to be. But we were really quite pathetic. I mean, I was really tired after about an hour and a half of using a pick and shovel, and so were most of us. It really made me realize how little I know of hard work. Then, there were a lot of people in the community that came to help, and some of the women that were helping us were so strong! They were working so much harder than we were, simply because, we were just not used to manual labour. It made me appreciate my desk job – I do not know how some of the people here find the energy to work so hard with such poor diet and living conditions.

We also took the older kids from Agape to the gym the other day which was awesome. We took this taibo class that they really seemed to enjoy!!! And I also went to Dr. Davis’s Centre and helped Alicia (a doctor volunteer here) see patients. It was really interesting and quite refreshing!

There’s been a few other happenings here, but I am getting hungry so I have to get lunch!!! A few last words. A lot of people have been bugging me about donations. The kids at Agape are going on a fundraising tour in England, but unfortunately, are lacking a lot of the funding (plane tickets, accommodation, transport). They don’t even have warm clothes that they could wear in Nov/Dec. So, if you would like to help out with this, it would be great! All proceeds will go to the new orphanage that they are trying to build at Agape in the coming year. You can either:

(1) Call my mom at 905-286-1977 and tell her how much you would like to donate and make arrangements with her to give her the money.

(2) Donate into the bank account of Andrew North (who is organizing the tour in England).
Name: Agape Fundraising Limited Account
HSBC #: 82103435
Sort Code: 40-20-30
Please email mr_andrew_north@hotmail.com to let him know how much you are contributing.

And last, everyone’s been complaining about not being able to see my pics. Since I don’t have any embarrassing albums to hide (I don’t think…), just use my email address and the password “reshma” to log in. You can also try these links:

Part One: http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=653349937103&page=1&sort_order=0
Part Two: http://www.ofoto.com/BrowsePhotos.jsp?&collid=313429108103

Take care everyone,
Resh.

Angazi...

...means "I don't know"
Ok I have now written two posts that got deleted. So I'm frustrated. I have so much to write and I'm really annoyed now.
In short -- I did go to Zanele's funeral. Her sister, Angel, made me says something, and Arron (who drove me) translated. It was really scary, but everyone was so warm and welcoming. It was really nice to meet her family -- I brought them a framed picture of Zanele which was taken two days before she died. I also took toys for her kids -- they never even opened the bag after I gave it to them. They just followed me around, carrying the bag everywhere, smiling. It was so sweet. The singing at the funeral (I also felt this at Nqobi's funeral) was absolutely chilling. The power in those voices brought such a healing to me that I can't even begin to explain it to you all. It was truly touching, but all really sad and difficult for me to go through.
As though it wouldn't be enough -- Arron told me this week that Luyando, Zanele's older son, confided in him and Sakhile. Apparently, their grandfather, who is taking care of them, has been physically and sexually abusing them. He gets drunk, and beats them on their sores so their wounds never have the chance to heal. I've been speaking with social workers and Zanele's family trying to find a solution all week. There's a spider web of problems to deal with though, but hopefully, the children will be pulled from his care soon and a criminal investigation will ensue. It is difficult to believe the fate that has befallen them. It's hard to accept that God would not only have them lose their parents in the space of three months, but would have their caregiver abuse them as well.

Super quick shoutouts:

Sofi, Seema S, and Vipin Kaka -- who have called in the last week or so!
Sundeep and Bhabi -- who had their bday on Tuesday!
Ragini Auntie and Stephanie -- whose bday is on Monday! Happy Birthday!

And the one thing that's better than phone calls? Mail!
Anokhiben and Jeev -- sent a beautiful bday card!!!
Ms. Dixon -- who sent AWESOME donations for the kids!!!!!!!!!
Shradha (and I think Namu helped) -- who sent a kickass care package with candy and stickers and fun things!

Gotta go!!!

Love
Resh

Zanele's Unsent Letter...

My dear Zanele,

I'm sorry I haven't been able to come -- I have been away with family for the past week. I have nappies for you but they aren't the ones that you like because the store was out of stock of those.
I bought you some nice smelling stuff too. And I couldn't find slippers so I bought you some nice warm socks.
I will try and come tomorrow and bring some slippers. Let Zach know if I have forgotten anything or if there is anything else you need or if the nurses aren't treating you right.
I miss you so much and I have pictures of my friends and family at home to show you next time I visit.

Love,
Reshma.

I was unable to go to the Dream Centre earlier this week so I sent a package for Zanele with Zach.
She passed away on Saturday, August 7th while I was away. It's strange that she would chose the day I entered this world, to leave it. I am convinced it's a sign of our unending connection to each other...
The funeral will be held tomorrow, two hours from Durban, and I am still working on a way to get there.

Ngiyabonga / Ngingajabula

...means "Thank you" and "Please" [literally "It makes me happy." -- there is no word for please in Zulu]
Sorry it has been a while...but first off

Happy Woman's Day!!!!!

Yesterday was a public holiday in celebration of Women in South Africa. Very exciting. To all you phenomenal women out there -- you go girl.

:)

The week has been really nice...some terrible weather in Cape Town but I got to go to Robben Island and saw Nelson Mandela's prison cell. The tour was held by an ex-political prisoner which was also pretty neat. Saw Binaben after a looooooooooooooooong time and met her three kids which was really fun!!!
Then went to Johannesburg and stayed with Dolat Uncle and Patti Auntie...Pillubhai took me out for Sat afternoon which was nice...we went to the Hootenspoort (sp?) Dam and up the cable car for a beautiful view...then took a drive into town at a craft market which was awesome. The next day we went to a Lion Park which was really really cool and then drove to Pretoria and I saw Naren Uncle's old neighbourhood...really neat! Minu took me out to meet some of her friends Sunday night...came back yesterday and just hung out with the house...it was a really relaxing weekend!

A lot of stuff has been going on here...but everyone says that I'm depressing them with my stories so I'll try and keep it light! We're trying to organize donations and stuff for the kids because they are doing a fundraising trip to England and touring there (because they are oh so talented!). So that's been taking up most of my day! BUT -- if anyone is in England and would like to see the kids (I STRONGLY encourage this!!!!) ... check out the site:

www.tank7even.com/agape

I am going to organize some sort of donation situation as people have been suggesting it to me...I think I will just get my mom to collect them and then I will take out money from her account from here or something. So if you are interested in making a donation, let me or my mom know.

There's a lot of things, I think, that have changed me by being here. For as long as I can remember, I've been really against capital punishment. But being here, I think, has really got me thinking about it in a more realistic light. Hearing the stories of such brutal rapes against really young girls (a lot of which I don't even mention on this blog anymore...) has really made me loathe the men that commit these crimes. It's a kind of loathing that I may never feel for murderers, but rape has such a grotesque element to it...I don't know. I'm still thinking about it...
For the past few visits to the Dream Centre, I have found myself very reluctant to go to the men's floors (men and women at the hospice are separated). The truth is, every woman that I've talked to or know anything about, was either raped or had a husband/boyfriend who cheated on them and contracted the disease. These men then bring HIV into the whole family (future kids which is very likely because they don't use condoms/birth control here, and even current daughters by raping them). So it's really hard for me to try and befriend these men -- mos of which have infected more than one person due to their own mistakes. Of course, I don't actually know for sure that any of the men are rapists or cheaters, but all the same, it's really difficult for me to try and be their friends when there is a pretty good chance that they are the cause of the problem.
The women that I have met here are some of the most amazing people I think I will ever know. They have such a strength embedded in their soul...I can't even begin to explain to anyone the immense disrespect they are treated with by society, by the economy, and mostly, by members of their own family...
I once talked to a previous volunteer (Edith) about making a difference. Am I really making a difference by being here? Truthfully, and I know many of you will disagree, but trust me on this one -- the answer is no. I think Lean on Me makes a difference as a whole organization, but I don't think that any of the individuals here have the power to make change. For me, that's a really depressing thought. I always truly believed that I could make a difference just in presence. But the truth is, I haven't really saved any lives or families. I haven't stopped the HIV virus from spreading further. I haven't changed any one or any thing really. Anything I've done is just a drop in a bucket. There's just too much...it's so daunting and it really scares me to think of it.
One of the saddest sights I've seen was driving home in Joburg. It was almost night time...and on my left hand side, there were all these nice houses with white picket fences with lights on, nice roads, and street lamps. And on my right, were hundreds of little shacks with a few lights scattered here and there, with no street lights, and huts built out of corrugated iron, mud, sticks, blankets, and cardboard. The divide between the wealthy and the poor seemed to have been translated from the symbolic to the literal with just that image that's to be forever ingrained in my mind. 90% of this country lives in ABJECT POVERTY. It's all very unsettling...
Phew...

Quick shoutouts:

Everyone who emailed for my birthday -- thanks you guys...much appreciated. I'm sorry but I really can't write all of you guys back, but just know that I appreciate it so much and love and miss you all!!!
Pratik & Sofi -- who tracked me down in Johanessburg and called me there (sorry I missed the call Prat)
An extra shout out to Sofi -- who has been accepted into law school!!!! Unfortunately, that means she's leaving us all and moving to the west coast (i have no idea if its UBC or UVic)...
Naren Uncle -- who called Joburg on Sunday!
Seema B -- who called Friday (I wasn't there) and again yesterday -- wohoo!
:)

And to everyone that says I look tired/bad/sick/too skinny/etc in my pictures...give me a break! It's not like I brought make up with me or anything!!!!

Love and miss you all,
Resh.

Sala Kahle / Hamba Kahle

...means "Stay Well / Go Well" which is how you say goodbye in Zulu (kinda cool...if you are leaving someone you say "stay well" and if someone is leaving you, you say "go well").
No time (again) but I wanted to give everyone a heads up -- I will not be in Hillcrest (Durban) for the next few days...I am going to Capetown to visit Binaben, and then to Johannesburg to see Dolat Uncle & fam...
I will be back Monday evening and won't have internet again for another week. eek!
It has been really hectic the past little while...a lot of new volunteers have come and old ones have left (so sad!)...
On the weekend I went to Hluhluwe which is a game reserve...saw giraffes really up close (wohoo! they're my favourite) and saw a cheetah (very rare!), and rhinos, hippos, alligators, elands, impalas, a kundu (really close), warthogs...so much more. Unfortunately I can't post pics yet but they're really cool. It is so nice to observe animals in their natural habitat...I really enjoyed it so much more than the zoo. I mean, I've seen most of these animals before but it was so much cooler being here and seeing them.
Had the most random night ever in Durban on Saturday night...we hung out at the backpackers place (Tekwini) and with our tour guide because it was his last day. So strange, but pretty fun. Then we went to Victoria Market on Sunday and I met up with Heather G there which was pretty nice.
I started jogging in Hillcrest which is so nice. I was a bit weary because I wasn't sure if it was safe or not but four weeks of being here and I learned that it is a pretty good area. I stopped jogging some time in June because of lack of time and my knees were bothering me but they seem to be doing okay...at least so far. It's so nice jogging here though -- the view is absolutely amazing and it's all hilly and stuff. Very cool.
Have spent a lot of time at AGAPE lately...the kids are driving me mad though. Wandile wouldn't stop crying today...and I have changed him like eighty gazillion times in the past two days...it's remarkable how many times a day he pees and craps all over himself. Gross. And Sne, they are trying to toilet train her so they stopped putting her in *diapers* (I use that term loosely cuz it's just a towel)...and she had a huge accident today which I cleaned up too. I'm really immune to the whole peeing all over Reshma syndrome but I gotta say, poo is way to gross to get use to.

Also -- hotmail is being so dumb so I thought I would just post it here -- the address I have been giving most people is WRONG! eek! But it really wasn't my fault! I know some people already mailed me stuff and if you have -- email me and tell me when you sent it and I will go to the post office in Hillcrest and sort it out. The new address (I think) is:

Reshma Patel
c/o Lean on Me
PO Box 436
Hillcrest 3650
KwaZulu-Natal
South Africa

Quick shoutouts:
Sundeep and Manju Auntie -- for getting me some warm clothes!!! It's so nice to be warm again!!!
Pravin Uncle and Kalpana Auntie -- for calling yesterday!
Jayaba -- whose birthday just passed!!! Happy Birthday!
Sangeetaben and Kshams -- whose birthdays are coming up!!!

I removed the link before for some technical reasons and here is a new one (note...there are no new pics because everything has been crazy today and I don't have the time!):

http://65.54.246.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=af59d287ebb12f3de3b039628faa0f5f&lat=1091535944&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2eofoto%2ecom%2fI%2ejsp%3fc%3d2qylokb%2e8c57olvz%26x%3d0%26y%3dmvbo6r

To see the pics you don't have to sign in or create an account or anything -- just click "View photos" (i think its an orange button) on the bottom left of the page...

Sala Kahle!