Navrati Time!

Just a quick note...
The last two nights I've been going to garba in Baroda...and it's so cool!!! Had such a good time! There were like 15000 people all doing garba outside under the stars and it was so awesome! Although, truth be told, it's the first time I've ever felt out of place doing garba. The steps here are very different but so much fun. And the music was so awesome and people are all happy and excited. It was such an experience. I mean, I always love doing garba, but this was just something else entirely!
I'm going to Agra today on a train to meet Ba and then my parents! All very very exciting...

Quick shoutout to Sejal, Amr, Nilisha -- who all have bdays right now! Happy Birthday!

I'm Outta here...

...sorta. I left Goraj's Muni Seva Ashram earlier today. I was sad to leave the kids, who were, literally begging me not to go...but I was happy to leave Neema Masi and all of her monstrosities behind. It has been a really fun past few days though. For those that aren't Guju...Navrati started on Thursday, which is basically nine days where you do garba (dance) till wee hours in the morning. At first I was not having too much fun, but on Saturday there was a lot more people at the Ashram from all of the nearby villages. Garba here is so strange though. The style is very different and everyone is so good at it. But after I got the hang of it, it was really fun. Especially with the kids and the nursing students.
Anita has malaria. I felt so bad for the girl because Neema Masi thought she was faking a flu because exams are coming up at school, but she was so sick and her fever was really bad on Saturday night. At one point, she was shivering in her bed with like ten blankets on her, and the only thing she was worried about was when Neema Masi was going to come because she didn’t want her to see her sick. It was so sad! I was feeling so sorry for her though, because I know when I am sick I just want my mother, and she has no one to play that role for her at the orphanage…Neema Masi certainly isn’t compassionate. I was trying to play with her hair to make her fall asleep and it eventually worked, but Neema Masi wouldn’t let any of the other kids stay with her during the pratna, so I did. Anita was telling me how much she hated it there and how awful Neema Masi always was. I have such a soft spot for the girl…she reminds me a lot of Karishma, and she looks a lot like Ankusha. But she’s such a charismatic, fun, sweet girl. I wish I could take her home with me…
Then Urvasi (she’s a younger one…about 4 or 5) had put earrings in the night before, and her ears had been bleeding. So I was trying to take them out but the girl was in so much pain. She was screaming and crying and I was trying to get her to be quiet because if Neema Masi was there she would get mad. Then she just started screaming for her mom…I later found out that she had only come there about 3 months ago and lost both her parents pretty recently. It’s so sad that her first instinct when she is in pain is to yell for her mother, and even more sad that she has to remember that her mom isn’t alive anymore.
I think I mentioned before how often the kids hit each other…which was never as common at Agape. It definitely has to do with how much the elders hit the kids, which I think I may have mentioned before. Anyways, I find that lately the kids have been hitting each other a lot less when I am around, I think because they see that I get really cross with them when they do it. But even still, they hit each other so much and sometimes they get all whiny and it drives me a little crazy.
Payal was mentioning putting pictures up. As of yet, I haven’t been able to get to a photoshop to get them put on a CD that I could then upload, so it will probably have to wait. Taking pictures here is so funny because no one has ever seen a Digital Camera and are absolutely fascinated and all crowd around me whenever I want to take a picture. The Agape kids were so used to digital cameras from previous volunteers so it wasn’t ever a big deal. But it makes trying to take pictures without anyone noticing rather difficult…
Anyways, yesterday night I didn’t go to garba and stayed home with the older girls which was really fun. I attempted to put mendhi on them (it actually turned out okay), and they put a bit on me. Sonal gave me a hankerchief last week because she saw that I was using tissues (I was a bit sick). Divya gave me a pen so that whenever I write, I will think of her. Anita was like, “Now, whenever you use your hands, you’ll think of me. Well, at least until the mendhi fades.” The mendhi, of course, will fade. And the ink will run out of Divya’s pen. And the hankerchief will one day be torn and tattered. But the memories will remain. Most of them have been tainted by Neema Masi’s watchful eye and eagerness to punish the kids. But some of them have and will remained pure in my mind. Like how Urvisa always wants to play bhajia, but can never say my name properly. How Varsha runs towards me with lightening speed to sit on my lap as soon as I get there (presumably because no one at the Ashram ever lets her sit on their lap). How Usha always says to me, “Didi, na jaso,” which means “Sister, don’t go.” How Pinki is always wanting me to take pictures of her doing silly things like playing bat-ball. How Sonal is the sweetest, most thoughtful girl I think I have ever met. How Anita is always asking me silly things like, “Do they hit you in Canada if you fall in love?” (although I know a lot of it is translation problems). How Gungo always has that mischievous look about her and is just waiting to test you. How excited they all get when I come there…and how sad they are when I leave. How they always look at me whenever Neema Masi starts to get angry, as though I am a magician that can heal all of their problems. I thought it was so strange in South Africa that I could become so attached to people I had only known for ten weeks. Now I find myself so bewildered because I am so attached to kids I’ve only known for three weeks. So much so that I would adopt any one of them in a second if I could. Especially Anita and Sonal though…moreso than any of the Agape kids. That might seem strange, but in truth, when I left the Agape kids, I left with the assurance that there would be other volunteers to take my place and take care of them. This time, I was leaving the kids completely sure that things were going to be worse for them after I left, and that there would be no one to take my place. It was, on many levels, a lot more difficult.
On a completely unrelated topic, I just came out of my first eyebrow threading experience in India and the woman butchered my eyebrows. All that hard work growing them out in South Africa has now gone to waste because they are super thin again. I realize this is quite useless information for most of you, but I am a little bit annoyed so I needed to vent!

Shoutouts:

Pravin Uncle, Kalpana Auntie, Naren Uncle, Amita Auntie and Surender – who have all called in the last while
Nemesh and Seema B – who called upon my request (but it still counts!)
A super belated one to Rahul Bhai and Preeti Ben who both ran the ½ Marathon a while ago and raised lots and lots of money for the Diabetes Association! But I do think it deserves a special mention that Preeti Ben actually beat Rahul Bhai…in her own words, “How does it feel to lose to your WIFE?”


Reading Pleasures – done with the Shackled Continent, and am now reading “A Long Walk to Freedom”. Yes, I know it is a book that I should have read before South Africa but I am quite behind on my books, so forgive me!

Listening Pleasures – still listening to South Africa songs. It’s strange because here, I don’t find myself exposed to any music that isn’t in my direct control. In South Africa, we’d listen to the radio in the car and other people would be playing different types of music…but here, I choose what I want to listen to. So far, it's just been the Agape kids singing, and a CD of songs that remind me of South Africa...

Sticking it out...

…Things here have been quite hectic. Last week I went through a bit of a scare, and I almost came home. One of the people that takes care of the kids hits them a lot. One day last week she was hitting them with a plastic golf club…I couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave the room. I have told her repeatedly that I hate her hitting the kids, but she just takes me for some American who doesn’t understand the way things work in India. I was trying to decide whether to leave or stick it out, and opted for the latter. I did talk to someone in charge about her, and he said he had had other complaints and would start watching her more closely. But nothing has happened in the last week or so, and I don’t expect that it will. Somethings are so ingrained in society here and it’s hard to get people to change their ways, especially when I’m only here for a few weeks. I decided to stay mainly for the kids. Not only do they not have parents or families who will look after them, but they’re abused by their caregiver. The girls (I spend time at the girl orphanage) are so sweet and so attached to me though. The Agape kids were used to volunteers being around and having them come and go, but these girls don’t have anyone like that. They cling to me and are always so sad when I leave them.
I’ve been thinking a lot about punishments and the way they work. With me, my parents tended to take away priveledges like TV or going out, but with these kids there are no priveledges to take away really. I did think of something though. Today when Neema Masi (the one who hits them) was testing them on their homework…the girls in the 2nd Standard didn’t know theirs. Ordinarily she’d get the ruler out and hit them till they cried. But because I’ve been constantly after her about hitting the kids, she asked me what she should do instead. I took away the kids play time and told them they had to study instead of go outside with the rest of the kids. This just happened though so I’m not sure if it is going to work or if Neema Masi was even being serious. But I like to think of it as a small victory, even though I know it’s short-lived because I’m leaving Monday.
They have been teaching me to read and write in Gujarati and I’ve been helping them with English and Math homework. It’s funny when I’m doing math in Gujarati because I start to count in Gujarati and try and do operations in Gujarati too. They also do a lot of things differently here. And the kids multiply strange – they don’t memorize the tables like we do in North America, because they don’t know the answer right away. But they count really quickly in their heads and figure out answers for really large numbers. It’s so cool! Learning Gujarati is hard but fun. It’s made me see why Indian accents are the way they are. For example, “w” is pronounced “v” when someone has an Indian accent because there isn’t really a “w” in the Gujarati language. Conversely, for me learning Gujarati, I have only one way of pronouncing “th” while there’s three ways in Gujarati. It’s also strange writing in a different language. I find myself learning to write by comparing it to English. “Pa” for example, is like a “4” written with bad handwriting. It becomes difficult though, because as we write we take certain liberties that makes our penmanship distinct from others. I might loop the main stroke in my “h” while others don’t. But when you’re learning a new language, especially from someone rather than a book, you don’t know which attributes of the letter you are trying to duplicate are actually of that letter and which are of the person’s handwriting. So I find myself copying Anita’s handwriting because I’m never sure. I wonder how long it takes until you know what changes you can make to a letter without changing it so much that it looks like something else or is unidentifiable.
On Saturday I went to school with them for a function. I went to a few of their classes afterwards which was fun, but was shocked to find out that they hit the kids at school as well. I came back with them, and spent the afternoon doing some homework and then playing “ball-bat” (as they call it). A few of the older girls are so sweet to me though! They’re always asking me to eat with them and sleep over at their dorms and stuff. Anita does funny impressions of how English and Gujarati people argue. So then one day after school she brought me some Gujarati novel that had “You bloodly black Indian!” written in English in the text. So she starts asking me what it means and if that’s how you fight in English. I tried to explain to her that it was bad language and what it meant exactly but it all got lost in translation, because then she said, “Oh, I get it…I should say ‘You bloodly black Pakistani!’”. To which I obviously said, no, you can’t say that either. But I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Anyways, the next time we were playing ball-bat she started doing more impressions of how Indian people argue and started yelling “You bloodly black Indian!” whenever someone messed up while we were playing. I kept telling her not to but I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s just funny because she really has no clue what she is saying. Anyways, now I’ve taught her that English people argue by saying “Your mother” which is so funny when she says it with an Indian accent.
I’ve been going to the kids Pratna in the evening as well and staying till they go to bed. I end up working most of the day because while they are at school, I’m with the little kids at the nursery. And I try and be home whenever they are home because Neema Masi doesn’t hit them as much when I am around. Anyways, the pratna is really fun.
After nursery, the bus goes around to all the villages and drop the little kids off. Afterwards, yesterday we had to stop off at the big kids’ school so I ended up surprising them and staying for the afternoon. One of the classes was so good. It was in Gujarati but I understood most of it. He is one of the teachers that never hits the kids so I’m a big fan of his. He was telling the kids a story of how a Hindu man, Muslim man, English man, etc. were arguing about what water should be called. The Hindu man called it something different from the Muslim man, the Muslim man called it something different from the English man…each of them due to a different language. The teacher was using this as an example to tell the kids that it was silly for them to fight, regardless of what they each called it, it remained water. Similarly, we all call God by different names, but in the end, he remains God. Calling it something different doesn’t change that so we should stop fighting over petty religious arguments. Pretty deep stuff for such little kids.
After that I went to Anita and Sonal’s class. Their teacher was late so I was just messing about with the kids and they really wanted me to teach them. So I started doing some math and English on the board. In the end, the teacher told me to carry on and I ended up teaching the whole class! It was fun but pretty difficult because of the language barrier. But I think I did okay! It felt so good to be up in front of a class again though…
I cannot get over how sweet the kids are though. I know I’ve said it so many times, but they’re just adorable. I have really grown quite attached to them, much to my surprise…
I was thinking today about how India is full of so many sad ironies. The country that gave the world the greatest teacher/example of non-violence (Gandhiji) still hits their children at school. The country that has taught the world about Yoga and the Path to Spiritual Wellness continues to subjugate its own people on the basis of caste and sex. The scriptures that preach to the world about the essence of right and wrong have no effect on the exceedingly corrupt government and police forces, nor on the issues of conflict with Pakistan. The place where some of the worlds largest religions are supposed to live in peace, has become the home of riots, stabbings, and rape by religious fundamentalists. The country where Self-Realization took its roots finds its citizens taking on American accents with names like “Angelina” or “Richard” to work for call centers of companies based in North America due to the globalization movement.

Reading Pleasures – I’m almost finished a book called “The Shackled Continent” which is about Africa and why it is the way it is. It has been rather enlightening, but the author is a complete capitalist so we tend to disagree on a lot of things. Despite this, I must admit that I have been quite ignorant to the way a lot of market economies operate in a global environment. So it was quite the educational read…

Shoutouts:

Dhanraj Uncle, Amita Auntie, Natu Uncle, Indu Auntie, Bhavik, Trevor, and Cathy – who have all called in the last while and offered me endless support (and requests to go home!)
Surender – whose birthday is coming up!

Hetal's Story

Hetal was the first person I met at Bhagini Mandhir which is where the mentally handicapped women are. On my way there, on the first day, an auntie was walking her to the hospital. I talked to her for a bit and then walked with them. Hetal had a lot of trouble walking, got tired easily and needed a lot of encouragement. She spoke English relatively well, talked about her family and home in Bombay, with three rooms and two TVs. She was so talkative, like a little kid who had never had other kids to play with – eager to make friends. She’d tell me how much she loved chocolate and that she wanted to take me to eat pani puri in Bombay. She was always happy, wanted to talk, said Jai Shree Krishna and waved whenever I left her, even if it was only for a moment. Hetal was 43 years old but looked more like she was 20. I spent most of my time at Bhagini with her, partly because I met her first, and partly because of her pleasant nature. Hetal died on Saturday October 9th. She had stayed at Bhagini Mandhir for over 18 years.

The Middle of Nowhere...

..is precisely where I am!
But I have managed to find a place to check email!
I just wrote a long post that got deleted. I really hate computers sometimes!
Things are okay here. I am at the Ashram, and although I have my moments, am hanging in there. There are times where I really hate India and want to go home, and other times where I find it strangely alluring. The alluring times are usually in the morning when it’s not so hot, and the times where I hate it are usually at night when the big bugs and lizards start to take over my room and the heat becomes unbearable to sleep in.
I’m at a dormitory with first year nursing students (all girls). They are so sweet! They bring me snacks and food when the dinner isn’t good (often), get rid of lizards that are blocking vital areas (like the bathroom), and brought me plugins to get rid of little bugs. They call me ‘didi’ (Hindi for sister) and are so cute. They are kept under such strict watch here though. It’s so scary! They aren’t allowed to leave the dorms with any part of their body exposed (other than arms and face), can only make one phone call to their parents in a week, aren’t allowed to speak to 2nd year students…etc. One of them is engaged (to her cousin but that’s another story) and hadn’t talked to her fiancée in a month! So I gave them my mobile number and now their families call on that during the week. But it’s all very hush hush! Despite their company, I do find myself being quite lonely here. Not only is there a language barrier but a societal one as well. I don’t know how to approach them about things like politics, sexism, racism, etc.
On Saturday I was at a residence for mentally handicapped women of all ages. There was 104 women there, and I couldn’t handle it! I just couldn’t stomach the work. All that time in SA, and I was never in a situation where I thought “I have to get out of here, I can’t deal with this.” But I just felt way out of my league, and so uncomfortable. It’s probably some kind of phobia that I must get over. But it was just scary. There were women screaming and yelling, some were having fits, some couldn’t walk or function, others seemed normal one minute and then insane the next, some would talk to me really closely, others would avoid me like the plague. It was just scary. The women that run the place are remarkable. They have such patience and love…it’s quite amazing. I don’t know how they do what they do…
Yesterday I was at the orphanage in the morning, helping kids with homework and talking to them and stuff, and then at the nursery in the afternoon. The nursery is for people who live in small villages and need to travel far to work, and usually leave their children unattended. A bus picks up all the kids and brings them to the Ashram (or other centers in other areas…there are about 30 nurseries) where they stay for the afternoon. The kids from the orphanage leave for school around 10:30 and the nursery kids don’t arrive till 11:30. In the meantime, I played with the 5 kids at the orphanage that are too young to go to school. They were so naughty! And the women in charge of the orphanage (2 of them) hit the kids a lot. Even kick them. It’s really hard to get used to. Even the older kids often hit the younger kids when they misbehave. It’s just so different. As a result, the younger kids end up hitting each other a lot because they learn from their elders. In comparison, the nursery kids that arrive at 11:30 are much better behaved. There’s about 50 kids in all and all of them are under 6!!! It tests my patience like no one knows. The nursery kids still hit each other a lot, and then end up crying. That rarely happened at Agape, and even then, only with Simphewe, whose issues with violence are deeply rooted in her past experiences. The older kids wouldn’t ever hit the younger ones at Agape. So things are different.
On the whole, I feel like people are weary of me here. It’s not that I feel unwelcome, but that I felt much more welcome in SA perhaps. I think it may have a lot to do with me being Indian, and people expecting me to act a certain way. Whereas if I wasn’t, they wouldn’t have those expectations. I just feel like sometimes people are watching me closely, waiting for me to slip up. As though they are waiting for an opportunity to question my “Indianness”. I’m really not the biggest fan of it.

Reading Pleasures – Finished the God of Small Things, and am now reading “After Shock: Global Feminist Perspectives on September 11”. I bought it ages ago because it contains excerpts of writings from two of my favourite people (Ani Difranco and Arundhati Roy). It’s really good though.

Quick shoutouts:

Kalpana Auntie, Pratik and Denise – who have upcoming bdays!!!
Adil and Sofi – who called me at 2 in the morning! But it was so appreciated and made my day!!!

Take care all,
Reshma.